or, How a Hungry Monkey Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Say What He Wanted.
go on then —
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Right. So you are a hungry little monkey living in the zoo. At feed time you point over the keeper's shoulder and cry—
“Ooh — what’s THAT over there?!”
…and the moment he turns, your paw goes straight into the nut bucket.
You get a fistful of nuts before he turns back. But you are still a very hungry monkey.
exhibit no. 1
This is
Political Marketing
the next day —
“Look,” you say to the keeper, “I’m a clever monkey. An extra plate of nuts, and I’ll show you my double somersault.” You perform it flawlessly. Twice.
He applauds warmly. He gives you one nut. You are still a very hungry monkey.
exhibit no. 2
This is
Event Marketing
you notice something —
The monkeys at the front of the queue get a few extra nuts while the keeper waits for the stragglers to come down from the tree. So you stay up all night to make sure you are first in line.
It works. A few extra nuts. But you are still a very hungry monkey.
exhibit no. 3
This is
Search Marketing
(SEO, if you’re nasty)
Do not feed the monkeys
strictly speaking legal —
The next day you sit squarely in front of the “Do Not Feed the Monkeys” sign, then wave and smile at the public until they slip you some nuts.
You do well — until the keeper moves the sign outside the cage. A very hungry monkey again.
exhibit no. 4
This is
Guerilla Marketing
purely by chance —
You catch the gorilla keeper on his way to the store, carrying leftover monkey nuts. You ask warmly after his family. Then you gently point out how much carrying he’d save by handing the leftover nuts straight to you.
“Maybe next time. Let me think about it.”
You are still waiting for that day to come. And still a very hungry monkey.
exhibit no. 5
This is
Lead Generation
it's his birthday —
When the keeper arrives, you give him a small balloon and a card.
He’s touched. He gives you one extra nut. But you are still a hungry monkey.
exhibit no. 6
This is
CRM
♪♫♪
you delegate —
You tell your friend that if he sings “Happy Birthday” to the keeper, there’ll be extra nuts in it. He sings. He earns two — and passes one to you.
But you are both still very hungry monkeys.
exhibit no. 7
This is
Affiliate Marketing
the zoo has changed —
Everyone has a phone now. So you post: a nut-of-the-day photo, a boomerang of the somersault, a heartfelt caption about “the grind.” You reply to every comment. You use the hashtag #NutLife.
4,000 followers. A great deal of engagement. Engagement, sadly, is not a nut. Still very hungry.
exhibit no. 8
This is
Social Media Marketing
✓
you go big —
You invite the famous macaque from the zoo across town — blue tick, sunglasses — to do a “collab.” He poses with your nuts, tags the keeper, and tells 200,000 monkeys your enclosure is “an absolute vibe.”
His appearance fee is nine nuts. You are now, remarkably, poorer and hungrier than when you started.
exhibit no. 9
This is
Influencer Marketing
volume, volume, volume —
Determined to be seen, you perform daily acrobatics just before feed time, shouting “MONKEY NUTS!” at the end of each routine — and you pay the pigeon to fly leaflets over the car park.
The keeper likes a happy crowd and throws you a few nuts. But the crowd is fickle, the pigeon takes a cut, and you are hungry again by Tuesday.
exhibit no. 10
This is
Advertising
a whippersnapper appears —
He presses a phone into your paws. “Just speak into this, and all your nut problems will disappear.” You ask for nuts. It throws back 40 posts, a rebrand, a jingle and a five-year plan before you’ve finished peeling one. And the keeper isn’t even looking — he’s hunched over his own phone, feed buried under monkey-nut slop.
You are now well-organised, beautifully branded, strategically aligned — and still a very hungry monkey.
exhibit no. 11
This is
AI Marketing
Exhausted, out of ideas, and down to your last nut, you slump against the bars. The keeper walks past. And — because you have nothing left to lose —
…you decide to simply ask.
#NutLife
double somersault (encore)
influencer collab — 9 nuts
5-YEAR AI PLAN (v14, final_FINAL)
4,000 followers. 0 nuts.
rebrand deck, 40 slides
“I am hungry. I would like more nuts, please.”
and then —
The keeper freezes. His jaw drops. A child screams with delight. Someone lifts a phone to film the scene.
Because in all the somersaults and the sign-hiding and the hashtags and the influencer collabs and the five-year AI plan, everyone — including you — had completely missed the one thing that was true the entire time:
The monkey could talk.
▶
The Remarkable Talking Monkey
2.4M views · uploaded that evening · #NutLife
👍 214K💬 31K↻ 96K↗ Share
By morning, the queue for the zoo goes round the block.
It is not a strategy. It is not a funnel. It is just a monkey — being honestly and completely himself, out loud.
The keeper is so delighted to see such happy visitors, he tells you and your friend to eat as many nuts as you like, whenever you like. And even though you share them with every monkey in the enclosure —
you are never hungry again.
This is remarkable marketing.
Knowing who you are — and having the nerve to just say it. We help you find the words that were there all along.
